I have been thinking a lot lately and things are more confusing and muddled than ever. My time seems to be taken up by more and more "important" things and less of my time is taken up by things that I would want to do or things that matter to me at heart. My friends for instance. How often do I take the time to listen to what they have to say? My girlfriend, I share with her more than anyone but do I really listen back or do I just fill in the gaps of silence with my own thoughts so that their is no silence in essence giving her no time to formulate her own thoughts and possibly any true insights. The truth is I don't particularly care for my job or the things I must do to keep it and so why do I stay with it. Well the obvious answer is that I need the money. How long would it take me to find a job that I really liked though? Could I really find a job that I truely liked since nothing I could do would be more fulfilling than taking care of and appreciating those who I love and who love me. Do I really take on all the consequence of my actions before I do them, within my own scope of awareness for that matter? I could be wrong in this but most people fill the need to connect with someone or something. I think we all originally hope to connect with someone, but when someone isn't available...well a pet or a hobby will suffice. Should we ever really let our ambitions to connect really suffice with a hobby or a pet though or should we try that much harder to really connect with the people around us. Would people really accept us if we were real? For instance if I go to work tomorrow and say to people what I really feel and think will I get in trouble or maybe offend someone, is that so bad? I think that people truely have no idea who I am sometimes. I mean I am not sure I know who I am sometimes. For instance if I express my view point about my christian faith will my friends and colleagues laugh at me, or seriously contemplate what I have to say even if they disagree (I was taught growing up that no matter what someone believed that they were entitled to that belief and that if you cared about them you would listen and atleast consider what they had to say before disagreeing and certainly not disparaging it). Yet the more I hear people speaking things that I myself in fact agree with the more I hear the opposition, let me rephrase that, the other half of the conversation leading toward a "How dare you say such a thing! Even if you are right you have no right to tell me or those I care about such a thing because you might offend them or make them feel bad for saying it." Sure its nice to be all fluffy and cute and not offend and say that things are going to be alright, but the truth is that they aren't always alright, at least not this side of heaven. Even then I am not so sure there won't be a time of mourning, after all it does say that he will wipe away all tears. How could he wipe away tears unless they were there to be wiped away from our faces. What could so cause such pain or anguish before the almighty? Well someone would say that it will be the missed oppurtunities, or the loss of what we had before the fullness of what we will have comes, some even say that it will be tears of joy. The last I would strongly disagree with, I have never seen a reason to wipe away tears of joy, on the contrary I find my self quite proud of the moments of joy and happiness which are so over whelming that I am come upon with tears. My personal idea is that they are not tears for ourselves at all. I don't see any reason for tears to flow for ourselves and honestly who could possibly cry for themselves in such a foolish manner in front of the one and almighty god. Some of it may come from that but the tears I think it is talking about lead closer but not completely to the missed oppurtunities we shall see in hindsight. The opportunities I am talking about are not the job we didn't get or even something so special as the time we should have spent with our children or grandchildren, for what reason will we have for that when their is all of eternity before us in the presence of someone so much greater than we can possibly imagine? I think the tears will be for those left behind. Can you imagine it, in all of humanity their have been millions upon billions of lives lived and loved and died for on this earth, but how many will truely be with us when we reach that point? How many people will have God in their heart and be able to look upon him in his full glory and have the Son say I know this one father they may pass through into the gates of eternal life and everlasting joy in your presence? It is a scary thought and not one that many like to think about. How have I facilitated this? Has my relationship with Christ and ultimately the father been one that was even beneficial to myself let alone to those around me, and further out into the world some how? Do people know who you are? Do they know whose you are? Do you care whether they do or not? Am I hypocritical? Yes. Am I proud of it, have I done anything about it lately? No. Will I? That is the question I ask myself and I pray you ask yourselves as well. Am I scared that I might offend or hurt someone by sharing who I am and ultimately who God is in me? Yes. Should I be? Ofcourse not, but sometimes easier said than done. I honestly don't know where I will go from here or if this will mean anything to myself or to others but I hope it does. God has done something for me as he has done for all of you. Something so amazing that while we can say it, spell it, speak its meaning we have no idea of the true cost or the absolute reality of it when faced with it. I just hope for his sake if no one elses that it was not in vain in my life and those that I come in contact with. We can all be hypocritical at times but amazingly enough he can and still does use us for his purpose. We still have to be available though for his work to manifest itself. To those of you out there that are reading this, know that I love you and know matter what you do I always will love you. Nothing and I do mean nothing can change that. There maybe times when I am angry or frustrated and my own desires take over but it still does not change the fact that despite my selfish desires at times I still only hope for the best for all of you and what more loving thing can I ever do than hope for the best. Remember also that the best isn't always what is enjoyed or liked, or even what makes us happy. The best is in essence what brings us closer to Him and further brings us along that wonderful road of salvation through sanctification.(Tried to use as few religious words as possible but at the end couldn't think of anything that fit better to explain what I mean to those who don't understand feel free to ask)
Chatboard (0)